Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
