Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
wow bdsm is so cute
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
