Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize