I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
