He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
