Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
