I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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