I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
