I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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