do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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