why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
