I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
