one might say we're banned from that church
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
