well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
