You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
