Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
