The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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