I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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