I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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