I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
