Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
