I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
