Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
