My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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