K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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