I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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