So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
