She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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