I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
