I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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