Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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