there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
