the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
