Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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