Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize