i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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