it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
