On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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