I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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