very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
