Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
this hospital has no fireball
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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