i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
