It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
