so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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