"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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