he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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