Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
