I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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