Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
