Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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