New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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