Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
