If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
