you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
