So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
