so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
