Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
