everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think I just sharted jello shots
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