I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
