Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
