He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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