My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
