The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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