Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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