it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
