Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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