Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
