i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
