Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
