dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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