he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
