I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
