We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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