He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's blow job season.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
