We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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