she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How external is "for external use only"?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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