I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
